Supporting a friend

Help and advice

Being there for a friend who’s struggling with mental health challenges or substance abuse can make a huge difference in their journey. However, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to say or do. This page is here to guide you in providing the best support possible while also looking after yourself.

Recognising When a Friend Needs Help

Your friend might not always tell you they’re struggling, but there could be signs that they need support. Look out for:

Changes in their mood, like being unusually quiet, irritable, or sad.
Withdrawing from friends, family, or activities they usually enjoy.
Struggling with school, work, or day-to-day responsibilities.
Talking about feeling hopeless, anxious, or overwhelmed.
Signs of harmful behaviours, such as self-harm or substance use.

If you notice these signs, it’s important to approach the situation with care and empathy.

Starting the Conversation

Talking to a friend about their struggles can feel intimidating, but it’s an important first step. Here’s how to approach it:

Pick the Right Time and Place: Choose a private, calm setting where your friend will feel safe.
Use “I” Statements: Share your observations gently, like, “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed really down lately. Is there anything you’d like to talk about?”
Be Patient: Your friend might not open up right away, and that’s okay. Let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready.

Listening Without Judgement

Sometimes, the best support you can give is simply listening.

Give Them Space to Talk: Let your friend express themselves without interrupting or offering advice too quickly.
Validate Their Feelings: Say things like, “That sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way” to show you understand and care.
Avoid Judgement: Refrain from saying things like “just cheer up” or “it’s not a big deal.” Instead, focus on empathy and understanding.

Encouraging Professional Help

While your support is invaluable, it’s important to recognise that you’re not a professional. Encourage your friend to seek help from someone qualified, such as:

A trusted adult, like a parent, teacher, or school counsellor.
Their GP or a mental health professional.
Helplines or support organisations for mental health or addiction.

You can offer to help them find resources or even accompany them to their first appointment if they’re nervous.

How to Be Supportive Without Taking on Too Much

Supporting a friend can be emotionally draining, so it’s crucial to take care of yourself too.

Set Boundaries: Be clear about what you can and can’t do. It’s okay to say, “I care about you, but I’m not sure how to help. Let’s find someone who can.”
Take Breaks: Supporting someone doesn’t mean you have to be available 24/7. Make time for your own well-being.
Talk to Someone You Trust: If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a trusted adult or counsellor for advice.

What to Do in an Emergency

If your friend talks about harming themselves or others, or if they seem to be in immediate danger:

Take It Seriously: Don’t dismiss their feelings as attention-seeking.
Stay With Them: If possible, stay by their side until help arrives.
Get Help Immediately: Call 999 or encourage them to contact a crisis helpline, such as Samaritans (116 123). You can also reach out to their GP or an emergency mental health service.

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