Seeing the demise of Zac due to drug abuse was the most debilitating part of my entire life. I don’t want to appear dramatic but the feelings of sheer hopelessness, abandonment; not being heard by the GP service that hides behind “your son is an adult and we can’t talk to you” plus feeling an utter failure as a parent was just horrendous.
I was unaware of Zac’s drug taking until it was too late. We (Tim, husband and father of Zac) found out by accident when he left his emails up on the family computer and we saw him discussing drug taking with friends. I felt the earth go from my feet. I was totally shocked. We did directly confront him but by then it was too late. Drugs had become a way of life; it was fun for Zac and he had his tribe all taking the drugs too.
We had four years of hell. There is no other word to describe seeing your son in psychosis and being sectioned three times
One of the worst parts was the lack of response from the doctors, the Trusts, the psychiatrists, the support workers…it felt as though there was a lack of transparency and I think genuine fear (by the Trust) that there is a risk of being sued. I know in the heat of our numerous crisis hot points I threw that card into the mix with Oxleas and their Green Parks Hospital.
Did it help? No. Are these trusts under severe pressure? Yes, absolutely, and that’s another reason why Hope-FX was born because there has to be better ways than waiting 6 – 9 months for a mental health assessment. I totally believe that PREVENTION is better than CURE.
During this journey I realised that I didn’t know how to talk to Zac; it was as though I couldn’t reach him. I went on a Level 2 NCFE Counselling Course – this was so helpful. I learnt to listen. Not judge. Not give advice and ask a question with a question. You have to make your loved one find the answer themselves. This is their life, not yours, and you need that consistency of approach when you are talking. Do not interrupt. They will be frustrated, scary at times and variable.
I then later went on to The Counselling and Psychotherapy Central Awarding Body (CPCAB) Level 5 Diploma in Mental Health and Wellbeing Awareness. I completed that in May 2024.
I did also learn that their safety, and other’s safety, is of paramount importance. If you need to call the police then do that. Zac went missing on various occasions and I called 999 and asked for Missing Person’s. Every time the police were brilliant and on two occasions, we had helicopters out looking for Zac. I hated all of the attention and then the cost to the police force made me just have guilt trip after guilt trip. However, we were all so thankful for their support.
On one occasion we put a post out on Facebook to find Zac. This was a really hard decision because we did not want to embarrass Zac and it is admitting to everyone that we had family issues. However, it was the right course of action. People were fantastic. We had over half a million shares and we found Zac.
Please remember that people going through mental health issues are lost. I can only describe it as though their brains splinter and slowly the brain knits back together and new pathways appear which makes that person a stronger and more fulfilled person. I know that sounds odd but I look at Zac today, January 25, and he has come such a long way. He is more confident, self-assured and more comfortable in the skin he is in! Of course, we all have bad days, we all have bouts of being blue but this site is to give you some inspiration and HOPE that the good times will come back again, and they will be better than before!
I don’t know where this website is going to lead to. I hoped to set up a Parents Against Drugs Action Group, a forum where people can talk and we can support but I hate to say it but everything costs money. All I know is that we, Zac and I, want to help you and show that these troubled times can and will pass. Just don’t give up.